In loving memory of Stephen and Douglass, who we will miss forever, and whom we failed to free from the influence of evil and guide to Christ. And whom we also failed to let know how much we loved them and were there for them. Who is there for you that you are forgetting today? Your mother, brother, sister, friend? Call them. Let us fail no one else.
Suicide Illusion - It Leads to Greater Pain
- First and foremost, the reason you should not commit suicide is because you will NOT find peace after death, but in fact, you will find eternal suffering and struggle a thousand times worse than your temporary current suffering.
- Secondly, the lives you affect other than your own, you will send rough and destructive ripples through, causing long-term pain and suffering to your loved ones. You must struggle on, trusting me about this, because I have seen true evil and I know, and you must also persevere because of those loved ones of yours who even though you think don't really care, will never forget or forgive themselves for your passing. You must persevere and trust in God's plan for you. You must consider that maybe this struggle you are going through today is somehow making for a better day and way for you in the future. And, please say this prayer over and over again, and sleep this pain away thereafter, and know that at least one person in this world loves you. That's me! And someone in this world and the next also loves you, Jesus Christ. Fight for us, cause we love you. I want to meet you someday and hear you say, thank you for your friendship. I really needed it. Now some more about suicide that you should know.
Suppose the Nazis were looking for you, and you were hiding under your floor in your home. Feeling bad about your life, the war, the loss of friends and relatives and all your worldly assets, would you ever turn yourself over to the Nazis for torture that had no end in sight? No, you wouldn't, because that would be far worse than the life of poverty and strife you were living through because of the war.
Well, suicide is similar to this scenario, except that you trade the somewhat human persecutors for ruthless demonic persecutors who have no mercy for you, because they blame you for their state outside of grace. Grace is significant to them, because it is something the fallen angels understand better than us, because being immortal, they have experienced it first hand. Since we are only descendants of Adam and Eve, we only have a sense of grace, versus first hand knowledge. So, we do not know what we stand to lose, and so we risk it freely. This is something the fallen angels would not likely do again if they had the opportunity to relive history. There is no road back for them though, as far as we know and they believe. So, knowing their end, and blaming us for it, they seek to take us with them.
I'm sure many suicidal do not believe in God or demons, or they would not be in the state they are. God knows, I lost everything, but when the thought of suicide entered my mind, I realized that it would grant victory to my enemy and destroy me forever. The last thing I wanted to do was give that victory to the demon who worked so hard to get it.
Some people have been blessed with firsthand knowledge of their existence, and have seen, heard and felt the hatred of evil spirits. Those who have experienced these things, would never in a minute subject themselves freely to this wicked, despicable and dangerous enemy.
So, if you want to risk being tortured in hell, first try this simple test to see if you can hack it. Hold your hand over a lighter, not for a second, but for an hour, and run it up and down your arm slowly, burning yourself completely in various places. When you have no feeling in certain places, move on to new locations so that you can feel the pain. As you smell your skin burning, run it over your face as well, your eyeballs, etc. If you can take this, then maybe you can take hell. But, before you make that choice, also slowly cut your skin off and your members, one by one. Continue poking yourself in the most vulnerable places. If you can manage this, perhaps you can stand eternity of it, renewed daily, at the hands of merciless demons. But if you pulled your hand away within the first few seconds as I would, well then you better give life some more effort. That's what happens when you die outside of God's grace. And you lose God's grace when you violate his commandment, "Thou shall not kill!" Killing yourself is killing, because you have taken away by your power, God's gift, given by his great power. Now, don't fret if you unfortunately had an abortion. While you still walk and breath, you may realize your sin, contemplate and sorrow for it, and also confess it (which is a spiritual sacrament) and allow Jesus Christ, who died for your sins, to carry even your murder of the child. Murderers are in heaven who felt remorse and begged God's forgiveness. So you can be in heaven with God and loved by Him if you confess and repent.
Are you afraid to walk in a dark alley in a bad neighborhood alone at night? Well, then why would you place yourself into an even more dangerous situation? Perhaps it's because you do not believe in demons and angels and God. Or maybe you believe in God, but not demons, which seem fictional. Can you decide who God is? The story is written, long and sure, and it includes demons through and through. So there is no one without the other. After all, what is the "invisible" that you swear to in the Creed every Sunday?
Okay, so then you don't believe in God or demons. Do you believe in ghosts? Do you believe in psychics? Do you do yoga? Do you believe in other mystical things? Then explain why you do not believe in God or demons. Many atheists claim these conflicting things and it makes no sense. It's because we want to define our world by our own limited experiences, because we believe we know everything, like animals do. Like the ant knows his world, the anthill, imagine how much more vast is our universe.
Now I have to give you reason to fear. When someone has undeniable faith, prays multiple times daily, fasts intensely, and in the face of complete loss, keeps his faith, God offers support. His angels and saints avail themselves to those people, for their aid. And they experience spiritual wonders as a result of their great faith in the face of desperate situation. They are touched and held and comforted by angels and saints. Their simple prayers are answered swiftly and undeniably. Their stresses are removed, despite their struggles. Their guardian angels are given greater authority to express their existence and support. Trust in this. God exists, and will be there if you bear your pain and seek his help. If you trust in him and fear only him, he will embrace you and save you. Why don't you ask Him to? Why don't you ask Him to help you? You might even get an answer (but test spirits and use your common sense, as demons will pretend to be angels or God sometimes).
Some of us foolish souls have begged God to see their enemy, who has ruined them. Perhaps they swore to God they would not fear the monsters, from which they are protected. Have you ever wondered why some people retreat into their own minds after traumatic events. Have you ever considered that paranoid schizophrenia could be due to and related with exposure to the demonic, because of how frightening and despicable their strategims might be and how alienated the individual would be from a world of nonbelievers? The only way to understand this is to walk the cliff's edge of schizophrenia, to see it and to see the enemy, and to find your way back. It's a road least traveled, and not recommended for the great majority of you. It's the most dangerous path you would ever walk, and one UNNECESSARY that has claimed many a brazen fool.
But for a handful of faithful who have been granted vision, they have reported back what they've found. They're saints and exorcists, or they are tragedies. They have seen, and they report back about monsters. They have smelled, and they report back a stench unearthly. They have heard, and they report back about a hatred unequaled. They have felt, and they report back no comforting hand, but a scratching claw and ripping teeth. And they have all survived because of one reason, because when facing their enemy, they remembered the power of the word of God, Jesus Christ, and the symbol of his triumph, the venerable cross. Or else, they did not report back. Did you know that by just calling the name of Jesus Christ (the word made God), you can expel evil far from you?
These people have seen mists move intelligently. They have seen shadow men walking the streets at night. They have heard footsteps in the middle of the night. They have been pinched in the night. They have been scratched in the night. They have been struck in the night. They have been tempted. But if they reported back, then they recognized their enemy and faced him with the cross and the word. They have seen also men with spirit in them, and they have been comfronted by them in the day and in the night in indescribable ways and bizarre manners.
The lesson here is that if you want to subject yourself, or to hand yourself over to your enemy on a silver platter, buttered and tightly fastened, go ahead and kill yourself. But be not surprised at what you discover on the other end. Because where you believe you will find peace, you will find a thousand times harsher environment than that which you left behind. And if you are relying on the prayers of some saint in your home, well then you are neglecting your own responsibility for your own spirit. Man cannot take away what God gives, and receive grace. This includes the life he has given to you, which is temporary, but through which you can find salvation or damnation.
For this reason, you should fear nothing, but God. It is His grace that saves, and the absence of which that destroys. And if you are suffering, rejoice, because Jesus himself said that the meek, the sick, the suffering would find paradise. He said that those who sought to follow him, would find the same suffering he endured. St. Irene also said that "blessed are we who have the attention of evil." Why is that? Because evil only seeks to destroy those who are not destroying themselves on their own. Because they want to take all of us. So fight for your life eternal, which is far more valuable than your pitiful human suffering of a life. Prioritize God in your life, versus the worldly things that you have sought, and there you will find reward and satisfaction. With God you will fill your void.
Keep trying friends. Life is a struggle. Embrace pain. Rejoice, because it is a sign your are on the right path. You are surviving. And the more you strive for God's sake, the harder it will be, but the more clear the rewards will become as well. And if you are lucky, perhaps you will even find some rewards on earth.
My theology is far from perfect. But the point should be clear. There's an unseen reason to fear death, because once we die, we wait for judgment. But you can sway that with the way you live your life and the way it ends and the state in which you are when it ends. Daily prayer, regular confession, communion for your health (physical, mental and spiritual), and study of Orthodox Christianity, which is the first and oldest and least changed form of Christianity. He came and he conquered death and sin for us, and forgave Adam and us as well. Paradise is restored to us who seek it and who seek God. I hope this helps you have hope. Sleep now and tomorrow will be better. Trust me, especially if you ask God for it to be so.